More and more I am reminded that great parents make great leaders and great leaders make great parents.
After all, if you can help a 3-year old with their tantrum and then get them to do what you need them to, then that must be the hardest challenge in person-to-person relationships.
The problem is what I call ‘The Power Trap’.
When there is a difference in power balance in a relationship between two people it can be very tempting for the stronger party to get the other person to do what they want done through the use of power. Whether it is intimating that the subordinate may get a negative performance review or putting a child in ‘time-out’.
Managers in organisations have more power than their direct reports. They have the power to give a negative performance review, assign the worst assignment and the worst desk location. Parents have the power to take away a child’s favourite toy, put them in time out or ban play-dates.
In the short term this may get done what that stronger party wants done. But it comes at a cost – resentment. Every time power is used against someone, they feel resentment towards the more powerful person. Resentment is toxic to trust and good relationships.
The alternative is to develop the attitude and skills to get things done – without using power. Some people call it soft power. Relating to someone else without resorting to power builds trust, relationships and influence. In the case of your children it builds a deep connection; it builds love. It cultivates the love that is already there and makes it stronger.
