The truth of the fact is that most people think that they are not good enough BUT of course it is not a secret that anyone wants to share with anyone else. After all, you are hardly going to admit that you think you are not good enough when you are sitting in a job interview or trying to impress the boss.
The implications of this are profound and explain much of the not-so-pretty behaviours that occur in organisations. For example, how often have you sat in a meeting where no one listens to anyone else? Everyone is just waiting for a gap in the conversation so they get to say something that makes them look good. How often do people admit that they have made a mistake? How often are people ready to admit that they don’t actually know the answer? How much energy goes into getting a posh job title or an important looking desk to try to convince ourselves that we are OK? These and more show the range of dysfunctional behaviours to help make ourselves feel better and protect us from the horror of someone else identifying our guilty secret – that we are not good enough.
These pathological behaviours lead to significant loss of productivity, much conflict, hurt emotions and can lead to really dumb corporate decisions being made to protect our own precious egos.
So what is the solution?
The first step is to admit the problem.
The next step is the fix.
There is a range of ways to change the patterns of thinking that go though our heads. A range of tools can be used but they require working through one-on-one with a coach.
Oh and in case you were wondering what caused this pattern to establish itself in our head – it is of course a product of how we were raised. Our culture uses a system of punishment and rewards to control our children. Whenever we were told we were noisy, messy or naughty, we internalised a belief that we were not good enough in our parent’s eyes. And our parent’s opinion was the only one who mattered.
